Admit it, there's a part of you that actually believes you'll strike it rich one day and buy a private island with your earnings. Unless you win the lottery or invent a phone that finally makes it sound like you weren't sleeping when someone calls and wakes you up, chances are you're going to need to work hard for your money. So hard for it, honey.
Still, don't let your current financial situation kill your dreams of owning a private island à la Johnny Depp's F*ck Off Island—if you've got even a small chunk of dough in the bank, you might actually be able to buy some of the floating paradises available on the aptly-named website PrivateIslandsOnline.com.
Price:$39,999 Location: Maine Size: One acre At just over 43,560 square feet, this dinky little island really isn't that dinky for the price you pay. You could buy a pretty okay car with forty grand, except you can't have a sexy campout in a car...actually, wait, yes you can.
2. Little Island
Price:$99,897 Location: Ontario Size: One acre If you want your island absolutely riddled with history, Little Island (or Jenny Island, as it's called by neighbors) is your spot. The island boasts a collection of deteriorating homes and artifacts leftover from 19th century fishermen, which is especially exciting if you want your island getaway to be haunted.
3. Sweet Island
Price:$105,000 Location: British Columbia Size: Three acres While Sweet Island is a little more hilly than some of the other islands, there aren't any dangerous cliffs you could potentially fall from. And there are pine trees! Thousands and thousands of pine trees!
4. Isla Esmeralda
Price:$145,000 Location: Mexico Size: Three acres Only a three hour drive from the Texan border, Isla Esmeralda would make a hell of a vacation spot, especially when you surprise guests by not informing them that your summer house is on a f*cking private Mexican island.
Price: $169,727 Location: British Columbia Size: Eight acres This is the island for the winter outdoorsman—or outdoorswoman—you can ski, snowboard, snowmobile, and make dope snowmen...or snowwomen. Its confusing name also might let you perform a tax dodge if you have a good accountant.
6. Leader Island
Price:$174,576 Location: Nova Scotia Size: Eleven acres Only 30 minutes north of Halifax, this scenic little beauty is described as an "undeveloped gem" that even has its own cove, which sounds a lot cooler when you refer to it as your "bachelor fjord."
7. Fisherman's Point Island
Price:$175,000 Location: Michigan Size: Two acres Obviously, the selling point of this island is the handsome cottage that comes free with the $175,000 price tag. Amenities include: a new roof, windows, doors, a new septic system, and sweet sweet electricity.
8. Lark Caye
Price: $175,000 Location: Belize Size: Two acres Lark Caye is the deep-sea enthusiast's paradise with its beautiful coral rocks and numerous species of exotic fish—plus, it's only six miles from the village of Placencia, where rich Americans are treated like GODS.
Price:$185,722 Location: Ireland Size: Four acre Mannion Island is approximately 60 percent fertile, which means it's 40 percent a total barren mystery.
10. Jones Island
Price: $189,124 Location: Nova Scotia Size: 54 acres 54 acres for only $4,000 more than the previous island's measly-ass four acres? So much room for activities! Really makes Mannions Island seem like a total piece of sh*t.
11. Staff Island
Price:$193,227 Location: Ireland Size: Ten acres If you're looking for a vibrant beach scene, look elsewhere—Staff Island is all about that sweet sweet woodland vibe. Doesn't it sort of look like a green Corn Flake in the middle of the sea?
12. Deer Bay French River Island
Price: $193,489 Location: Ontario Size: Two acres Check out this description: "This lovely property is forested with 2 acres of mature red pine and white pine and cedars, small ash, junipers & blueberry bushes and many ferns & flowers." Hear that, guys? Juniper and pine? That means you can own an island that smells exactly like gin.
BONUS: Mavuva Island Lots
Price:$125,000 Location: Fiji Size: 42 acres Nestled in Fiji's Great Sea Reef, Mavuva Island is located within a private lagoon, boasts a legion of white-sand beaches, is home to beautiful coconut palm trees, and happens to be shaped like a giant c*ck.
Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and wants to open up a bar on Mavuva Island called Twig and Berries.