Perhaps the most incredible part of all of this is that some of these products are still being hawked. So to celebrate the glorious legacy of As Seen On TV, here are 12 of the most hilarious infomercial products that have ever existed.
Yours in Thighmasters,
Pitched by: George Foreman
A staple of college students and soccer moms, these "lean mean fat-reducing machines" are two-sided electric griddles that promise to drain your meats of their fattiness without compromising flavor. Would George Foreman lie to you? No, no he wouldn't.
2. Total Gym
Pitched by: Chuck Norris, Wesley Snipes, Christie Brinkley, and more
A solid decade older than the Bowflex, this efficient, mini full-body workout station helped usher in the age of the home gym, and the subsequent age of the unused home gym hidden under the bed.
3. Moon Shoes
Pitched by: Worry-free latchkey kids
To the dismay of many parents, these "kid-powered trampolines for your feet" were advertised approximately 21 times per hour on Nickelodeon. But thankfully the ones marketed by Nick in the '90s featured an extra set of safety reinforcements, which made them less of an ankle sprain-machine than those initially introduced in the '70s.
Purpose: Heavy duty cleaning
Pitched by: Billy Mays
Red wine all over your white carpet? Coffee-stained dress shirt? Blood-soaked mattress, carpet, and dress shirt? Oxi's got your back, no questions asked. Though the real selling point here was Billy's passion and intensity, which we later learned was most likely chemically aided. RIP, Billy.
Pitched by: Justin Bieber, Jessica Simpson, Katy Perry, Adam Levine, Olivia Munn, and many more
While this stuff eventually became popular enough to make its way into mall kiosks, this three-step acne treatment kit first entered our consciousness on late-night TV, wooing the pimply-faced insecure watching Undressed on MTV.
Pitched by: Models
Debuting in 1986, this all-in-one home gym system provided a more intense full-body resistance training workout—compared to the Total Gym—from the comfort of your bedroom. And rather than wallow beneath your bed upon its inevitable idleness, it also served as a convenient place to toss piles of dirty clothes and dry cleaning.
Pitched by: Suzanne Somers
Developed by the same tobacco heir who made millions off of marketing the mood ring, these hinged wings of metal were hawked by Mrs. Lambert in the '90s, and are meant to help ladies (and men?) keep their gams tight while multitasking.
Purpose: Chopping food
Pitched by: Vince Offer
Making the task of tedious food chopping, mincing, and dicing as easy as a few ninja-quick taps, it was no-brainer for anyone who bothered to cook real food on the regular. It also got some special attention that time its pitchman was busted getting punchy with a prostitute.
9. Shake Weight
Pitched by: Models, Kristen Wiig, the New York Jets, kinda
In the world of as-seen-on-TV fitness products, there's no shortage of absurdity, though the Shake Weight has raised the bar. When this counterweighted arm muscle toner is being used properly, people may actually mistake you for training for an HJ marathon.