The 8 Craziest Ways To Spread Your Loved Ones' Ashes
Choosing what to do with your physical remains once you've kicked the bucket is a deeply personal decision, and one you'll hopefully have a long time to agonize over. It's also your last chance to really make your mark on this world. So, if being interred or funneled into an urn is too "normal" for you, we present you with eight unusual ways to send yourself off.
Cheers to you, potential future moon-dweller.
$3,995 and up
Having ashes scattered out on the open ocean isn't cool. Know what is cool? Having your ashes molded with concrete into an artificial coral reef that is permanently installed on the ocean floor to help marine and plant life thrive. Do this, and Jacques Cousteau will be your bestest friend in the afterlife.
While urns are a fine way to celebrate someone's memory, this one sort of adds insult to injury, suggesting not only that your time has run out, but so has everyone else's. But then again, you will be able to participate in Boggle games with loved ones for eternity.
$995 and up
Run by the same folks who are so graciously offering to send a bunch of dead pets to space, Celestis is your last chance to GTFO of this planet once you can no longer enjoy it alive and well. They offer four different journeys for your remains: a quick trip to space and back, a launch into Earth's orbit, a permanent visit to the moon, or a never-ending quest through deep space.
$270 and up
You know those decorative glass paperweights that grace the desks of executives and your grandmother's knick-knack shelves? These are like those, except they're filled with you. The process involves incorporating a very small amount of cremated remains into a custom solid glass orb, like those amber-entombed mosquitos that they used in Jurassic Park. JUST like that.
While a good portrait can give the effect that you're actually standing face to face with the person depicted, with one of these, viewers will literally be standing in your long-departed physical presence, since it's been sketched from your cremated remains. Creepy? Maybe. Boring? Definitely not.
$1,600 and up
If you feel deserving of a sendoff on par with Hunter S. Thompson's epic memorial service, this is the choice for you. Also, bravo on developing such a strong sense of self worth! Anyway, it works like this: they arrange a custom fireworks display, including a few unique ones that have been modified to incorporate cremated remains, and rocket you into the sky to explode into a bajillion beautiful colors. Pretty badass.
$5,000 and up
If John Cusack's character in High Fidelity had only known about And Vinyly, he would have surely been saving up to get in on the action upon his demise. For true vinyl junkies, they take a small amount of your cremated remains and press them into a record that plays an audio clip of your choosing. That way, people can listen to your pops and crackles until they wear out the needle.
Whether or not you were a gem of a human, you can sign yourself up to become an actual gem once you croak. Yep, these guys capture the carbon from your cremated remains using patented technology in a special high-nitrogen, low-oxygen atmosphere, transforming you into a teeny tiny colored or colorless jewel. Shine bright like a diamond, baby.
Joe McGauley is a senior editor at Supercompressor. He'd prefer to be turned into a diamond and THEN rocketed into space. Thanks for asking!