Phonetic Spellings Of The Alphabet Will Make You Uncomfortable

Apparently, there are official spellings of the letters. They are weird, and don't always contain the letter they represent. They make you uncomfortable, seem to follow no apparent rules, and might actually convince you to follow up on your commitment to learn all the NATO names (that's November-Alpha-Tango-Oscar). Brace yourselves.

A = a
B = bee
C = cee
D = dee
E = e
F = ef
G = gee

These are definitely weird to see spelled out. Interesting to see that "e" isn't "ee" or "eey" and that "a" isn't "ay." Who decided this stuff?

H = aitch

WTF?!?!?!??!?! This is ridiculous. And appalling.

I = i

Again, one letter to spell this? What about "eye"?

J = jay
K = kay

True to form.

L = el/ell

It's disconcerting to see that an el doesn't start with an el.

M = em
N = en


O = o

Oh. I guess vowels don't need consonants. Or other vowels.

P = pee


Q = cue

There is no "Q" in the word for "Q." There may be zen things going on here.

R = ar


S = ess

This makes me uncomfortable.

T = tee


U = u

What's with this inconsistency? Some are phonetic and some aren't? Why isn't it "you"? There's clearly a "Y" sound. Must be that single-letter vowel thing. What are these people, texting on flip phones?

V = vee

V. good.

W = double-u

This is a consonant. Why aren't we spelling out "U?" IS ANYONE IN CHARGE HERE?

X = ex

"Ecks" didn't make the cut.

Y = wye

Why not WHY?!?!?

Z = zee

At least it's not "zed."

Ethan Wolff-Mann is a professional user of language. Follow him as he tries to tweet more better @ewolffmann.