Lifestyle

Throw Out the Christmas Tree and Get a Festivus Pole

December is upon us, but is it Christmas time? Sadly, no. The holiday spirit is dead, killed long ago by raging commercialization. Now there is only Festivus. Leave the trees growing in the woods and get that aluminum pole instead.

Festivus, for the rest of us. 

If you'll remember, Festivus started when Frank Costanza got into a tug-o-war battle against another customer over a "doll" he was buying for his son George.

The doll was destroyed in the store, but a new holiday devoid of commercialization was born. Festivus, known for its "airing of grievances" and "feats of strength", brought forth a rejuvenation of holiday spirit. Instead of a Christmas tree, an aluminum pole stands before the hearth. You could buy one here, but we recommend you go with a standard, industrial-grade flagpole. It's even less commercial.

Around this time of year, offices are held hostage by garish decorations of tinsel, lights, and various branches and greenery from evergreen trees. If you are trying to hold down your desk as the storm of holiday spirit bears down on your walls, the mini Festivus pole is essential.

At 10 inches, it's slightly taller than a beer bottle, and is at once a celebration of ruthless industrial efficiency and post-commercial revolution.

 

Better get ready for those feats of strength.


Ethan Wolff-Mann is an editor at Supercompressor. He doesn't care for winter. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram.