VICES: Clase Azul Anejo - $450ish
Don't be fooled by the fancy stunt packaging here — this is one tequila that lives up to the sticker-shock. It's got a smooth and spicy nose that makes it perfect for summer sipping.
MORSE: If I'm going to drink, I want to drink something good and smooth. The hand painted bottle is a work of art and helps justify the price.
And now for the serious stuff, rapid-fire style:
Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or a hundred duck-sized horses?
One horse sized duck. At 6’5” I think I can take 'em.
Would you rather receive $20,000 right now, or gain the ability to summon Stone Cold Steve Austin 3 times in your life?
$20,000. I can’t think of many situations where I’d need a pro wrestler. I’m a lover not a fighter.
Would you rather have cheeto fingers for the rest of your life or have a Kool-Aid mustache for the rest of your life?
Kool-Aid mustache. I think I could make it a new trend.
Would you rather have hair for teeth, or teeth for hair?
Teeth for hair. I love a good steak and hair for teeth would make it hard to chew.
Would you rather hold your horses, or cool your jets?
Hold your horses.
Would you accept $10,000 per year for life if it meant every time you hit your funny bone you pooped your pants?
If you’re going to do it, you might as well get paid for it.
Would you rather live in pizza city or cheeseburger island?
Cheeseburger island. I’m gluten free, at least I could eat the burger meat.
Would you rather be able to grow a great beard but no mustache, or a great mustache but no beard?
Great Beard. I already have a Kool Aid mustache .
Joe McGauley is a senior editor for Supercompressor and would personally opt for a hundred duck-sized horses. Ducks are vicious!