This Picnic Blanket Is Fancy As Hell

Measuring 82x107 inches, this oversized Picnic Lounge is as gigantic as it is exotic. Fashioned in the likeness of an oriental rug, this blanket is impervious to the damp ground with its weather-resistant material, and large enough for a family of four to comfortably lounge on. Four oversized red pins are included to ensure that a rogue gust of wind doesn't lift it up, up, and away into the trees.

Also included is a brush to rid your blanket of excess dirt and sand, and in the middle is a place for a sun umbrella. Plus, the Fatboy logo tag doubles as a pocket to store your keys, phone, or candy bars that you don't want to share. 

Not included: This attractive Persian family. 

The lounge can be rolled up and placed inside this convenient carrying pouch for easy picnic-hopping. Just a nice reminder that every product has the right to be fancy as hell. 

Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and is still seeking out the bastard bear who robbed his picnic basket.