With The Slammin' Salmon scheduled for release tomorrow, we sat down with the Super Troopers themselves and pried deep into the recesses of their soul, discovering long-repressed feelings on Casper Van Dien mustache rides, and, of course, Eddie Money.
The Slammin' Salmon or Salman Rushdie?
Kevin Heffernan: Slammin' Salmon, definitely.
Jay Chandrasekhar: I like Salman Rushdie, but what do you mean by slamming salmon? Wait, the movie? OK, the movie.
Steve Lemme: Have you read Satanic Verses?
JC: I have.
SL: What'd you think?
JC: I dug it.
SL: I thought it was bull$#%@. Off the record.
KH: That's on the record bro. You might have to go into hiding, all the Salman Rushdie fans are gonna put a fatwa on you.
SL: It starts out with two guys falling through the air, and it's all written in a !@%$ing language you can't understand...
JC: Oh...I didn't read that. I heard about it though.
Super Troopers of Starship Troopers?
JC: Super Troopers. Sometimes people tell me they love Super Troopers, and they're like "How'd you make all those bugs?"
Casper Van Dien or Jean-Claude Van Damme?
JC: JCVD, because of the one jump in Timecop, where he puts either of his big toes on the kitchen counter.
SL: He does that in every movie.
KH: We actually based Beerfest a lot on Bloodsport.
SL: Bloodsport was one of the movies we gave to our production designer. In fact it might have been the only movie we gave to our production designer.
Unlimited supply of money or Eddie Money?
KH: I like Eddie Money a lot but, c'mon, an unlimited supply of money.
SL: Except that when you have Eddie Money with you, you have an unlimited supply of money. If you owned him you could just make him do shows.
JC: But if you had an unlimited supply of money you could buy Eddie Money.
KH: Plus other people, like Eddy Van Halen.
SL: OK, an unlimited supply of money.
Eye of the Jew or "Eye of the Tiger"?
KH: I'd have to go "Eye of the Tiger" cause I'm not Jewish. I don't know if I could have the Eye of the Jew.
JC: And you're an anti-semite.
KH: We used "Eye of the Tiger" in Slammin Salmon then found out we couldn't pay for it, so we wrote a new song called "Cry of the Cougar".
SL: I have the eye of the Jew. I mean literally, at my house, I have the contact lens.
Mustache Ride or Beard Bucking Bronco?
JC: It depends on who has the mustache.
KH: Wilford Brimley.
SL: Sam Elliott.
JC: I'd go Sam Elliott's mustache.
SL: Rollie Fingers.
JC: I would definitely take a ride on Rollie Fingers' mustache.
KH: Burt Reynolds.
KH: Dennis Eckersley
JC: Why not, he was a Cub.
JC: [PAUSE] Just to have done it.
Optimus Prime or Voltron?
SL: I'd go with Voltron because that's what we are, five parts that come together to be more powerful.
KH: That's some deep $!#@ man.
Having average sex or eating an above average sandwich in a jacuzzi?
KH: I'll take average sex every time. Average sex is great.
JC: I'll take the sandwich.
SL: Cause you can [make sweet love to] the sandwich, even have great sex with it. And even the next day when you poop it can be great too.