San Francisco

This or That: Coolio

You may or may not know that the one and only Coolio blew through town over the weekend to rock the Exotic Erotic Ball, where we asked him all the tough questions about his cooking show, wizards, and the ill will he may or may not hold towards Weird Al.

El Cool Magnifico or The Return of the Gangsta? Hmmmm...Gangsta was harder, but Magnifico had better songs. Imma go with Magnifico.

Ass or t**ties? Depends on what we gon' do with them ass or t**ties.

Coolio Caprese Salad or Soul Rolls? Soul Rolls. Ummm, well, you know...Is it hot out? What time is it? It's one o'clock? Coolio Caprese Salad. I am the Ghetto Gourmet!

What's your special seasoning? What's my special seasoning? (Pauses) Sh*t, it wouldn't be special if I told you, now would it?!

Average sex or eating an above average sandwich in a jacuzzi? Eating an above average sandwich in a jacuzzi.

Really? I don't like average sex. I don't do average sex.

More dangerous: the mind, or Steven Seagal in that movie where he's a chef on a boat? Steven Seagal -- that motherf***er's dangerous at all times.

Wizards or elves? Wizards, all day. They're more powerful.

Taking a bullet for Barack or taking an appointment with Michelle? I'll take a bullet for Barack, long as it doesn't hit me in no vital areas.

"Amish Paradise" or punching Weird Al in the face? Punching Weird Al in the face. I don't wanna punch Weird Al in the face, but I would if he came at me wrong.

Baby tigers or seahorses? Baby tigers. I ain't never seen no real seahorse. What's the point? You can't really ride 'em.

Christmas or Kwanzaa? Christmas. I don't even know what the f**k Kwanzaa is!

Alright, Coolio, thanks for the interview. Alright, be cool...Imma get me some p***y.

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