The title literally says it all

Vegas has always been a city where you have to go bigger than the next guy to succeed, although if Louie Anderson's more aggressive than you at Pai Gow Poker, it's really not the end of the world. Giving you enough room to fit even that dude, almost: Hard Rock's Penthouses

Because our economy's currently in a place where everyone can safely blow every penny they have, the Hard Rock's unleashed 10 awesomely themed super-suites, all featuring near-70" flat screens, hot tubs, seven-spout uber-showers, butler service, Obscura Digital systems capable of projecting everything from landscapes to (saucily female) partiers onto your wall, and even props and costumes depending on the room's theme, which include

Provocateur: Things get sexy quick in this 2BR (the master's actually got three thoughtfully connected queen beds for crazy wild nine-somes sleeping really stretched out), with Obscura-powered naked lady silhouettes prancing around the shower, a secret vault of dominatrix accessories, and a plunge pool, also what it's called when a group of guys bets on whose wedding's getting called off after the pictures from this suite surface

Altered States: This 4000sqft Beast rocks a master BR with back-to-back flat screens (one for the couch, one for the bed), 11 projectors that turn the living room into a psychedelic feast complete with dancing chicks, a bad ass view of the Vegas airport, and a rock 'n roll photography book-decked library with wood walls, but not Wall Wood, cause John hasn't gotten in on that particular Washington sports tradition just yet

Spa Villas: Set in two stories with 30ft floor-to-ceiling glass facades, these suckers get substantially baller with white Venetian plaster wall finishes, a private patio with a flat screen and plunge pool, in-room spa treatments, a giant chaise lounge that'll sleep about 20 of your closest friends, and entrances on two levels, one of which hopefully isn't the big world in Mario 3, 'cause that means you missed the warp

Those looking to ball on more of a budget can look to some of the smaller yet equally ridiculous suites including the just-like-it-sounds Sex & Pistols, the feng shui-ed Infinity, and an array of Pool Villas including the Mr. Gold and the Mr. Red, which is exactly who you'll be when you realize Louie was playing Pai Gow Poker with actual pies, and eating most of them, and still beating you