BaddHandz

While everyone loves a winner, everyone loves an epic loser even more, whether it's Steve Martin's character in The Jerk, or, in the wake of Shopgirl/Cheaper by the Dozen/The Pink Panther, Steve Martin. Celebrate poker's biggest losers, with gear from BaddHandz.com.

Created by two self-described "middle-aged, overweight, low-stakes" poker players, Badd exalts epically crappy luck via t-shirts repping an ignominious cast of cartoon characters, each representing a horrific starting hand. Expertly drawn woe includes "The Stinky" (6-4 suited), featuring a junkyard skunk "known for investing in tomato juice companies, baptizing your dog, and losing money for whomever holds it"; the "Prince William" (Q-3 off suit), a transsexual construction worker whose cards should only be played with "mixed feelings"; and "The Jezabel" (Ace-Jack), a half-dominatrix/half-librarian about which the Badd team says, "if we had a dime for every time one of us was eliminated from a tournament with this hand, we would have something like a $1.75". The king of the cast is "Pimp Juice", repping the Ace-deuce off-suit, a hand that should only be raised if everyone folds, and in doing so "the chips must be thrown in the pot in a single handed, reverse, curve ball type motion as to alert your opponents that your hand is pimplicious" -- though such a clear signal of bustedness will not endear you to any hos.

Beyond gear, Badd also provides user-submitted bad-hand stories, vids of the founders dressed as various characters, and "the worst possible poker related advice and strategy" -- moves that'll ensure you're never at risk of Bringing Down the House.