The Resolutions All ATLiens Can Keep in 2017

Let's face it. You suck at keeping your resolutions. But as we head into the great unknown that is 2017, let's fix that and opt to make some real changes -- or at least take advantage of some real opportunities to be the greatest Atlantans we can be. Forget that weight loss plan, self-help book, and that ATL-based shaman who claims to be able to awaken your inner potential via locally brewed ayahuasca (although you might wanna keep his contact info for later) -- here are realistic resolutions worth committing to in the new year.

We resolve to be more welcoming to new ATLiens

As long as they are tolerable, make an attempt to understand how things work, and do a little research before they pretend to actually be ATLiens. And for you newbies, here's a handy guide that'll help you understand us a little better.

We resolve to eat outside the perimeter at least once

We don’t really want to deal with the traffic, but we know Roswell, Alpharetta, and even Woodstock are doing big things in the kitchen. As long as it’s somewhere along the way to Athens or another cool city, and isn’t in a dry county, we can be convinced. And we’re definitely gonna master Buford Highway in 2017 -- believe that.

We resolve to at least TRY riding the Atlanta Streetcar

We also resolve to say “you first” to anyone else waiting, as we still have no idea how to actually ride it, but it looks like it’s here to stay so we’ll figure out a way to make it our own. Or at least learn how to avoid being hit by it.

We resolve to adopt at least one of ATL’s craft breweries

From the established brew-makers who are expanding into barrel-aging and sours (SweetWater and Monday Night Brewing) to the new guys just getting off the ground, we’re ready to personally take responsibility for your sustained success. And our sustained buzz.

We resolve to take more road trips

It’s good to get out of Atlanta every now and then, especially if we can hit a beach on the Florida panhandle, an underground river cave in Kentucky, or do a little golfing off Lake Oconee.

Atlanta Braves

We resolve to do a better job supporting our local sports teams

We’re opening new venues for two of our pro sports teams this year, and putting almost $200M into the other one. We might as well show up to the damn games and cheer, or at least get beer and tailgate.

We resolve to buy more local art

There are lots of amazing artists making our streets, galleries, local businesses, and homes more beautiful. We will pay them to keep it up.

We resolve to listen to more Atlanta music

And not just Gucci Mane. Although damn, Gucci had the comeback of the year, didn’t he?

Hot Chicken

We resolve not to hate on hot chicken

Maybe it’s too late for that one? Oh well. We made up for it by acknowledging the awesomeness of Todd Richards. Carry on, ATL, you fake Nashville, you.

We resolve to develop real relationships with the folks who make ATL’s best food and drinks

These are the people who will save humanity over the course of the next four years. They may even be on TV soon! We will know them. And they will know us. They will make us the best drinks and serve us the best food. We’ll even break bread with each other in groups and keep The BeltLine from becoming The Bubble.

We resolve to land a cameo role in the next season of Atlanta

Even if Donald Glover is going to be spending a lot of next year dressing like 1980s Billy Dee Williams in space, Atlanta has already been renewed, and he can’t finish season two without us, or it ain’t really real, for real!

Sun Dial Restaurant

We resolve to make smarter financial decisions

We also promise to enjoy whatever we go broke doing if our smart financial decisions turn out to be really dumb. Hey, you can still a whole lotta great stuff in the A for under $10.

We resolve to eat Downtown more often

Downtown’s going to look a lot different soon; it’s never too soon to identify places to eat near the tail end of Peachtree, starting right about here.

We resolve to keep falling in love with ATL

We love you Atlanta. Stay crazy, sexy, and funky with your big fine ass.

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Mike Jordan resolves to become the greatest man alive in 2017. He also promises to tweet more often from @michaelbjordan, and to stay active on Instagram at @mikejordanatl.