Florida is shaped like an uncircumcised penis
Georgia, on the other hand, is shaped like a piece of delicious cornbread cake, lovingly sliced, even if unevenly so, by your always-tipsy uncle from Macon. Oh, and for as much leisure as Florida claims to offer, there sure ain’t much hang time.
Florida is ridden with crime. Georgia? Not so much.
According to the FBI, there were 37.5k violent crimes in Georgia in 2012. Florida, despite having about twice the population, had almost three times the number of crimes in the same year.
The roaches in Florida are huge... and possibly immortal
Oh, Georgia has them too. But not like Florida. Florida has roaches that look like they were in Mad Max: Fury Road. You can find roaches with the same design on their backs as the tattoo on Mike Tyson’s face, and they don’t even stop when they’re crushed to death.
An entire city in Florida is ruled by an imaginary mouse
Sure, an entire city in Georgia is ruled by sparkling brown sugar water, but at least it’s real.
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Mike Jordan was Thrillist Atlanta’s founding editor, and the only Florida he ever loved was already married to James Evans. Send your own reasons why Georgia owns Florida to him at @michaelbjordan.