The Most 'ATL' Things That Happened in 2015
Some things are just “Atlanta” by their very nature, like wearing flip-flops and socks together and an actual genus of snails. (If you’ve seen how people in this city work, eat, and drive, then you know that last one eerily makes sense.) These 2015 events can be added to that list of ATL-iest things -- right behind drinking sweet tea with fried chicken.
Killer Mike took Bernie Sanders to the Busy Bee
There are obviously lots of places where you can get gleefully plump in Atlanta, but leave it to the Run The Jewels rapper to bring Bernie to one of the few spots in the city no one can argue against.
Matt Ryan brought Falcons fans back to reality
Somewhere in America, former Dirty Birds coach Mike Smith is doing yoga, dressed in a Brett Favre Packers jersey, and chanting “karma-karma-karma-karma-karma-chameleeoooooon” to himself, with that applesauce-pooping baby smile stretched across his face. It wasn’t his fault that our “Matty Ice” quarterback could be counted on to throw game-losing interceptions with the predictability of Atlanta traffic.
Cam Newton made dabbing famous
The College Park native who should have been our quarterback did the Atlanta-born dance after several successful pass completions and plays, but perhaps the greatest was against the Titans -- two of whom tried confronting Newton for his flagrant celebration but received only more Dabs in response.
Tucker became a city
What made this so ATL, even though it literally is not ATL, is that it took this long for a place that everybody always thought was a city (but nobody really wants to live in) to grow up. That’s Metro ATL all day -- we’ll handle our business and incorporate as our own town as soon as we’re done eating these grits and taking a decades-long nap.
2 Chainz redeemed The Hawks
After all that racist ruckus that happened last year, the Hawks new CEO Steve Koonin gave the go-ahead for ATL’s basketball team to give the people what they wanted -- the man who still proudly calls himself Tity Boi.
Not that it was funny what happened out there on the Chattahoochee Hills farm, but it just showed once again that Atlanta is only made for sunny weather. Anything else from the elements and everything explodes.
For a while we had three old-school hip-hop stations at once
Even though there were times when all three stations -- Boom 102.9, OG 97.9, and the now-gone Old School 99.3 -- played the exact same Ja Rule song at the same damn time, it was pretty amazing to be the test market for urban radio across the nation. Before then, when was the last time you heard a Scarface song that wasn’t queued up by your own iTunes account? Yeah, that’s what we thought... the movie Office Space. Us too.
Georgia reminded ATL breweries that they’re still in Georgia
Somebody played a cruel joke on all the great local beer-making facilities and made them forget what state they live in. All types of lobbying and palm-greasing (speculating, of course) probably went into getting a law passed so that folks could actually buy beer directly from the breweries, but then our outmoded blue laws limited the breweries’ ability to charge enough to actually make money doing it, so now it sucks again. No wonder this was the year of locally brewed sours.
Jimmy Carter defeated cancer with his lovable old self
Though the former president says it was radiation treatments that killed his brain cancer before it spread further, we all know that it was really that charming, 90-year-old, honey-roasted-peanut-like southern accent. You want to give Jimmy Carter a hug right now, don’t you?
Ray Lewis wrote a book about the people he probably stabbed in Buckhead
What’s so ATL about this is that Lewis uses a mink coat he wore the night of the murder as an alibi of sorts, saying what every mink-coat-wearing ATLien knows: it’s never the guy in chinchilla that does the stabbing.
Waffle House sold its one billionth Waffle
Right here in ATL, where Waffle House began, is where the restaurant chain sold the battered, stamped, buttered, and syruped breakfast item for which it became famous, and must now be counted using three commas. Don’t be surprised when you look down at your scale and see similar mathematics.
Young Thug literally terrorized Perimeter Mall
This summer, Lil Wayne enemy and current Cash Money weirdo rapper Young Thug apparently told a mall security guard at one of ATL’s bourgeois shopping plazas that he would shoot him in the face. US Marshals arrested him for making terroristic threats. Safe to assume that after this incident he’ll be taking his attitude Straight Outta Dunwoody.
Someone hacked a goatse image onto a digital billboard in Buckhead
In case you weren’t around that day, oh, it definitely happened. And although we didn’t do it (“allegedly”), we all know Buckhead is full of what you see when you do the NSFW search for “Goatse.” Don’t do it.
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Mike Jordan still wears Falcons paraphernalia, so hope is not totally lost, even though the season definitely is. He still believes in ATL; hit him up on Twitter at @michaelbjordan with Falcons jokes.