The Grad Student
Neighborhood: North Campus
You meet her at Spider House, where she’s been camped out with her laptop, alternating coffee and cigarettes and working on her thesis for the last four hours. When the furious typing pauses for a moment, you cautiously approach and ask if you can share a table so you can plug in your laptop. You end up chatting, and it turns out you two have a lot in common: a passion for travel, a love of Kafka and Kerouac, and, of course, crippling amounts of student debt.
The first date: You know you can’t win her over with beer and burgers, so you step up the sophistication and take her to a wine bar with tapas. As the Malbec flows, you talk art, literature, and philosophy and learn more about her hopes, her dreams and -- about halfway into the second bottle -- the years she spent “experimenting” in undergrad. You’re incredibly turned on... by her vocabulary, of course.
The inevitable breakup: All the cultural and intellectual stimulation eventually transitions from exciting to exhausting and while, yeah, you like books, sometimes you just want to talk basketball. You start fibbing about actually watching the foreign films she recommends, and when she finds Anchorman in your Netflix queue where Amélie should be, le shit hits le fan and she storms out.