Stage four: the "constantly complaining about everything" phase
Where you’re living: The same spot you were in during stage three (after moving in August multiple times, you’ve decided you’d rather just die here...which you might, given the aforementioned asbestos)
Where you’re going out: One of the few places left that meets your requirements for being punk/organic/artisanal/established/local/whatever enough
Your mantra: “Ugh”
Go-to activity: Actively judging everyone who moved here after you and pretending you were never part of the problem
The rose-colored glasses you wore throughout the first three stages disappeared at some point, and Austin has officially lost its luster. It’s not that 104 degrees is really any hotter than it was last summer, that you’ve been bombarded by that many more Facebook ads for new craft cocktail bars, or that I-35 is that much more of a tire fire. Nothing’s that different, and nothing’s really worse than it was six, 18, 24 months ago. It’s just that at some point you reached a personal tipping point, and your life outlook shifted from Shiner Bock half-full to Shiner Bock half-empty. (Maybe when the lake went from full to empty.)
Your once-good-natured griping has escalated into bona fide bitching, and -- as happens to all seasoned Austinites -- you’ve been swept up in a self-fulfilling whirlwind of totally cliché complaints. Even your social media posts are pissy, with updates consisting entirely of listicles outlining the ways Austin has changed, statuses lamenting the excessive amount of EDM on the ACL lineup, and memes about how people should move to Dallas instead.
So, you spend the majority of your time doing some seriously first-world whining. But hey, you’ve had to deal with A TON of traffic to earn that right, OK?