Hotel: Casa Turquesa, $148/night
There’s a lot more -- or less -- to Cancun than Señor Frog’s. To give you some peace and quiet, we’re recommending a newly revamped boutique hotel just 20 minutes from the airport that grants you all the “we’re not in Boston anymore” necessities (beach, spa, on-site restaurants, pool, swim-up bar), plus a grass tennis court and a crazy-impressive art collection. And yup, staff can set you up for the requisite day trips to Tulum, Chichen Itza, Xcaret, and Cancun’s notorious party zone. Just bask in the relief that silence awaits you back home. And by “home,” we mean hotel, because you’re not leaving.
Miami: $107/RT (!!!) on American
Hotel: The Hall, $229/night
Um, guys. We just found a roundtrip ticket to Miami for $107. Holy hell. So first off, that means you can blow a wad on your digs, although our vote goes to the relatively reasonably priced The Hall, a newly opened, hyper-fun art deco spot with an enormous pool, an adult playground, and a Spike Mendelsohn restaurant. Otherwise, Miami has everything you currently crave: massively wide beaches, beautiful cars and people, all-night nightlife, and dining finds high and low (you must indulge in a croqueta and Cuban toast in Little Havana). You know what Miami doesn’t have? Aggressive, mean, sloppily dressed misanthropes who endlessly bitch about the climate they’ve chosen to inhabit. $107, people.