The Easiest Ways to Tell Chicago Transplants and Locals Apart

According to the US Census Bureau, about 42% of Chicagoans were not born in Illinois. That means that there are a lot of people in the city who probably don’t know how to properly eat an Italian beef sandwich. That’s tragic, as are these 20 ways Chicago transplants have yet to fit in.

Transplants: Bring a glove to a slow-pitch softball game.
Locals: Bring a keg to a slow-pitch softball game.  

Transplants: Think that “The Dunk” is something Jordan did.
Locals: Still can’t believe Starks got up that high.

Transplants: Do not like drinking Malört.
Locals: Do not like drinking Malört, but do it anyway.

Transplants: Do not venture west of Western.
Locals: Favorite spot is west of Western.

Transplants: “Soda.”
Locals: “Pop.”

Transplants: Blame everything on Rahm.
Locals: Blame most everything on Daley, and blame the rest on Rahm.

Transplants: Have never been south of 36th St.
Locals: Have never been to Indianapolis.

Transplants: “Willis Tower.”
Locals: “Sears Tower.”

Transplants: Don’t mind Ventra.
Locals: Vow to never forget about unlimited 30-day passes ($84).

Transplants: “What is a bankruptcy info tape?”
Locals: “773-202-LUNAAAAAA.”

Transplants: Say that Chicago doesn’t have a “real” beach.
Locals: Don’t really care, because they don’t go in the water, just hang out on the patches of sand that smell like fish with seagulls fighting over dirty diapers.

Transplants: Wear a heavy jacket when it’s 50 degrees outside.
Locals: Wear a light hoodie when it’s 50 degrees outside.

Transplants: “Who is Eagleman?”
Locals: “588-2300-Empiiiiiiiire.”

Transplants: Hang out in Lincoln Park.
Locals: Stopped hanging out in Lincoln Park once they turned 23.

Transplants: Order a “three-twelve” at the bar.
Locals: Have an internal countdown clock for the Bourbon County Stout release.

Transplants: Highways are numbers.
Locals: Highways are names.

Transplants: “Does this bartender speak English?”
Locals: “Zimne piwo please.”

Transplants: Spend Sundays during football season at some little-known sports bar that plays their team’s games.
Locals: Spend Sundays during football season half dead on the couch, recovering from a 4am night and stuffing delivery pizza into their faces.

Transplants: Always ask which direction the lake is in.
Locals: Know exactly where they are according to the grid numbers.

Transplants: “Got ketchup?”
Locals: “Oh hell naw.“

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Raf wears gyms shoes, not sneakers. He also needs a ride to the Jewels, so please offer him one: @RafFoSho.