12 New Year’s Resolutions All Chicagoans Absolutely Should Make


Another new year. Another broken promise not to hurl things at the TV throughout every Bears game. Instead of another half-assed New Year’s resolution, focus on things you actually have control over in 2016. Like these 12 things, for instance.

1. We resolve to start always using the blue bins

For real this time.

2. We resolve to get excited about the Cubs

But not too excited about the Cubs

3. We resolve not to get into another dibs parking war

... with our annoying next-door neighbor. Unless he starts it.

4. We resolve to take a road trip this winter

And not sit on our couch talking about how awesome it would be to take a road trip this winter.

5. We resolve to get no more red light camera tickets this year

Or at least less than a dozen.

6. We resolve to Tiki it up more often

Right after getting the phrase "Tiki it up" to catch on with our peer group

7. We resolve to leave our crappy job

And see if there's any openings for a cooler career path. Could probably do the champagne chandelier thing.

8. We resolve never to spend more than $1 on a can of Hamm’s

Because happy hour.

9. We resolve not to Uber a block to the CVS because we’re out of toilet paper

Unless that 4am burrito from last night is surging.

Sean Cooley/Thrillist

10. We resolve to be better citizens by eating more Italian beef

Because, Chicago.

11. We resolve not to get thrown out of boozy Taco Bell


12. We resolve to leave our neighborhood once in a while

There's so much to learn.

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Jay Gentile is a Thrillist contributor and he is already too excited about the Cubs. Follow @innerviewmag