We may never know the true story here. But we do know that a cop suggesting in a police report that Santa had “too much tea in his box” is kind of the greatest thing ever. Also, what does that even mean?
2. “6:19PM: ‘White male wearing a white bird costume has passed out on the hood of a car,’ 3524 Halsted.
6:20PM: Officer confirms: ‘I believe an ambulance is warranted. Drunk male. Dressed as a bird. Passed out on the hood of a vehicle.’ Birdman gets hospitalized.”
Now, nothing is funny about a person getting hospitalized. Unless that person was hospitalized for passing out on the hood of a car. Wearing a bird costume.
1. “1:26PM: A woman wearing a Santa hat, red sweater, and jeans is urinating under the L tracks at Sheffield and Roscoe ‘right next to the porta-potties.’ In the spirit of the holidays, a man is urinating next to her.”