Don’t take up two seats on the "L"
For the love of all that is holy, just don’t do it. Ever, ever, ever. I don’t care if you have a backpack, slide it under the seat, put it on your lap. Don’t manspread, nobody on earth needs that much space, you’re not fooling anyone. The I-don’t-give-a-damn arrogance of this is maddening to anyone with a sense of what is right in the world. It’s often the small slights that drive people the most crazy and I can assure you that by taking up two seats not only are you being an unredeemable selfish prick, but because of the anger swelling up in the crowded masses you are also taking your life into your hands. Don’t do it. And on that note.
Don't try to get on the train before anyone gets off
I can only assume you are in quite the hurry because apparently even the slightest break to let people walk by will destroy your day. But get this: the train isn’t leaving. It is not going to pull out of the station with the doors still open as people desperately cling for dear life to the side. In fact by pulling a goal-line stand on the wave of commuters trying to squeeze through the exit you are actually slowing things down. So instead of jamming up everything by trying to shove your way through a crowd of people heading in the opposite direction take a deep breath and stand aside so everyone can get off before you rush on the train. You will make all of your fellow Chicagoans day a little more pleasant.