Surfing Lake Erie with ice on your wetsuit
Catching a Lake Erie wave towards the Cleveland skyline is so much more pleasant in mild temperatures. No snot-sickles. No ice-brows. Just the unadulterated Lake Erie scum-waves, the slate-gray sky, and a small fire to warm the fingers back on shore. It's almost warm enough for board shorts! Almost.
The windshield wiper fluid bill
Salt, plus slush, plus dirt, plus Cleveland's position as a regional trucking hub, equals the necessity of a near-constant flow of windshield washer fluid. Woe to the driver who does not have a stockpile in the trunk. Driving with your head out the window in a sleet storm? It happens. And it makes you feel alive. And it's better than dying.
The lotion bill
Unless you have some kind of industrial multi-room humidifier, Northeast Ohio winters will suck every drop of moisture from your body. You will be a cracked and bleeding monster, hulking through dirty streets and frightening Tinder dates, unless you invest in vats of lotion and bathe in them at least once a day.