Dallas, According to 20 People Who’ve Never Been to Dallas
We know Dallas has a richly diverse culture with people who exhibit good ol’ Southern hospitality, but to the outsider, the city has a stigma. They think we’re pretentious, into money, have oil rigs, sell propane, and are policed by grizzled karate masters. We surveyed 20 people who’ve never been to Dallas for their take on the jewel of Texas, and took the liberty of assessing the blasphemy or truthiness of their claims.
“Everyone has an oil well in their backyard, wears boots every day, and instead of driving cars, they ride horses.”
-- Ramona, Belleville, Illinois
False: This is almost, mostly, pretty much not true. The vast majority of people across this great land gather their Dallas intel from TV shows.
-- Holly, West Virginia
True: The higher the hair, the closer to God.
“There is a decent street-racing scene.”
-- Joe, Skokie, Illinois
True: My CX-9 is super-sneaky fast.
“Mark Cuban is a hell of man.”
-- James, Acworth, Georgia
True: No argument here, guy's a shark. Any man secure enough to make an investment in "I Want to Draw a Cat for You" is legit.
“I've heard the big buildings are spread out far apart, so it's a bit of an urban sprawl in terms of city layout.”
-- Eric, Fort Lauderdale, Florida
True-ish: Dallas has a really unique layout since there are multiple business-centric areas. You will find a good deal of concentration Downtown and surrounding areas as represented by this super-sweet skyline shot. There are also some larger buildings spread out in some other areas like Uptown, North Dallas, and Las Colinas. It’s sprawl, but it’s beautiful sprawl.
“Dallas was named after the popular American side dish 'salad' but spelled backwards since they hate salad there. The extra 'L' was also added to indicate that salad is for losers.”
-- Kurt, Buena Park, California
False: This one gets an “A” for creativity though.
“I wish that I've never been to Dallas... does that count?”
-- John, Ft. Worth, TX
False: That hurts. Even with all of our facelifts, we still have tear ducts. They don’t work, but still.
“If you search hard enough you will, in fact, find a man who sells propane and propane accessories.”
-- Zachory, Iowa City, Iowa
True: You actually don’t even have to search hard Zach, a Google search will probably (definitely) lead you to someone who can fulfill that need.
“Austin > Dallas > Houston.”
-- Jennifer, Austin, TX
Patently false: That’s SUCH an Austin thing to say... At least they think we’re better than Houston though. Austin thinks we’re cool everyone!
“Rumor has it they used to have a football team.”
-- Sonny, Indianapolis, Indiana
False: We still have a football team, not sure why you would say that... oh wait... yeah, I see what you did there. It’s fine though, because we are winning the Super Bowl next year. You heard it here first, people!
“The women are blonde and big-breasted, the men like sports, and the steaks are giant. Yee-ha!”
-- Coasts, NY Reddit
Pretty much true: There are definitely a decent number of ladies here who pay a good amount of money to pay homage to Anna Nicole Smith and bleach out their locks. Pretty much everyone likes at least one of our sports teams. Fortunately, we have every major sport covered, so whether it’s the Rangers, Cowboys, Mavericks, or Stars, there’s a team for everyone. And there’s certainly spots with some giant chunks of beef, but we have a nice fine-dining scene complete with overpriced petite filets.
“Everything I know is based on the amazing reality show of the '80s of the Ewing family. Classy as hell!"
-- Annie, San Diego, California
True: We are very classy. We have many leather-bound books and all of our homes and apartments smell of rich mahogany.
“There are more pickup trucks than passenger cars. Even people who live in the city claim to have lived on a farm/ranch. Everyone makes ridiculous ancestral claims. Texas somehow produces some of the hottest women in the country.”
-- Anthony, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
True, false, true, and true: Pickup trucks are king here. There are a decent number of people in Dallas who have relocated from farms/ranches in smaller towns, but a lot of people are either from here, or bigger cities like Austin and Houston. We are all the descendants of either Davy Crockett or James Bowie, and, without a doubt, have the prettiest women in the state, in the country, and, yes, in the world.
“Better watch your back! Walker, Texas Ranger.”
-- Josh, Sweet Home, Oregon
True: In the eyes of a ranger
The unsuspected stranger
Had better know the truth of wrong from right,
'cause the eyes of a ranger are upon you,
Any wrong you do he's gonna see,
When you're in Texas look behind you,
'cause that's where the rangers are gonna be.
“Everyone that lives in Dallas has a plastic mold of Jerry Jones' head on their dressers and kiss it before they go to bed at night.”
-- Jared, Doylestown, Pennsylvania
False: There’s a good number of Dallas folk that hate him too. Don’t worry, there are no shrines that I know of.
“Some of the worst drivers in the nation.”
-- Duane, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
False: “Worst” is a very relative term. Aggressive, yes. In a hurry? Most of the time. People in Dallas always tend to be going somewhere and going somewhere in a hurry. We have stuff to do, important stuff. So, just get out of our way and it will be fine.
“I've never once given any thought to Dallas or any rumors relating to Dallas.”
-- Convergecult15, NY Reddit
True-ly snobby: Pretty sure most people would have guessed a comment like this would have come from a New Yorker.
“That it has an arts and music community that rivals Austin's but no one outside TX really knows about it.”
-- FirstLadyOfBeer, NY Reddit
True: We lack some of the hype and festivals that Austin is known for (ACL, SXSW) but overall we have an amazing live music scene, excellent museums, and some pretty great art, food, and beer & wine festivals throughout the year.
“Kristin shot J.R.”
-- darksabrelord, SF Reddit
True: Spoiler alert... should have put that before I guess.
-- amandea56, SF Reddit
True (especially compared to SF): Overall, Dallas is a very affordable place to be, especially when you see the number of high-paying jobs that are here. There are, of course, very expensive areas and neighborhoods, and the cost to live here is rising, but overall still a very affordable city to live in.
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Jason is a Dallas transplant from Austin and truly enjoys the city. You don’t have to feel sorry for him when he says he moved from there to here. You can follow his musings at @iamcalledjason.