9. Never grasp a handrail, only touch lightly with two fingers
Ok, this is just getting bananas. I mean, seriously, this is a straight up safety issue. If I’m grabbing a handrail, chances are I’m doing so because it’s: A) dark, B) the stairs are steep, or C) I’ve had a few cocktails. Most likely, a combination of all three. If it comes down to me looking genteel, or me having to end the night at the hospital after Jimmy Fallon-ing down the stairs, you better believe I will wrap my legs around that rail for dear life and slide down if I must.
10. Never wear jewelry over gloves
There's enough material to do a whole sub-article on glove etiquette alone. Gloves were a HUGE deal back in the day, and there are all kinds of do’s and don’ts related to this, apparently, very divisive accessory, such as: when you should wear them, where you should put them when you aren’t wearing them, what color they should be, and many, many more rules that I just don’t have the stamina to go into. Frankly, my biggest takeaway from this was that I’m super glad we don’t wear gloves for fashion anymore. Who knew the art of glove wearing could induce such stress?
(Photos shot on location at the Texas Theatre, Oak Cliff. No, the ghost of Lee Harvey Oswald was not there. Thanks to human model Krystal Johnson, doggy model Zooey Pee Wee Pickles the Super Rescue Dog, and photography Suzi Paparazzi)
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Amanda Cobra's hometown is one of seven US cities that calls itself the "Watermelon Capital of the World" and she grew up participating in events such as watermelon seed spitting contests. Follow her seed spitting exploits on Twitter @amandacobra.