Lifestyle

The Worst Date Stories From Dallas Bartenders

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There's no better exercise in schadenfreude than witnessing a date night disaster, like an awkward couple that clearly met on Tinder or a proposal gone wrong. It may be a rare night of free entertainment for you, but for bartenders it's practically a spectator sport. Having seen countless cheesy pick-up lines and dates-gone-wrong, these Dallas bartenders have agreed to share their most cringe-worthy stories. If you’re feeling down-and-out about your dating life, you’re guaranteed to feel a little bit better... unless you’re one of the people in the stories, in that case we'll pour one out for you. 

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“This man came in first, cocky as hell...

... and sat at the bar in front of me. When his date joined him, one of the first things I heard him say was, “I know what you’re thinking -- you want to f*ck this guy in front of you.” Referring to himself. After that, I had to walk away and sort of watched them out of the corner of my eye. Not too much later I saw her stand up and start yelling at him. It ended with her slapping him and storming out. Seemed like a great first date.” –J, 26, Uptown

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“We started to realize that they were meeting in secret...

... I was working at a nice rooftop bar and noticed this couple who came in every Friday afternoon around the same time. They’d order the same drinks (Michelob for him, martini for her), and it kind of became a routine. Then we started to realize it may be a secret meeting. Finally, one afternoon about 45 minutes in, both of the cheaters' spouses show up. The cheated husband had hired a private detective and the cheated wife had put LoJack on her husband's car, which led them to catch the cheaters in action. Obviously that didn’t go down well, but sure enough, a few months later Michelob and Martini were back again. At least someone got a happy ending?” –A, 25, South Dallas
 

“I was playing the old ‘prostitute or daughter?’ game...

... one night while watching a couple at a nearby table. Guy in his '60s with a seductive younger girl. It was clearly a date. The older man was being an ass and we could hear him berating the girl all night, calling her an idiot and being blatantly rude to the server. His date went to the restroom, and the man walked up to the hostess stand going on and on loudly about how immature and stupid the woman was. He walked out the front door and tried to get into an Uber that wasn’t his. After fighting with this poor Uber driver for a while, and after she came out of the restroom to catch him leaving, they finally convinced the driver to give them a ride. I wonder how the rest of that night went.” –N, 24, Downtown

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“He looked like he was having a nightmare...

... A patron at my restaurant mentioned his date was the first (and likely only) time he tried a dating app. They met at the restaurant, and he quickly realized he’d have to hold the conversation. So he was basically playing 50 Questions with himself, she’s rubbing her foot against his leg under the table and strangely holding his arm the whole time. When they get their food, he starts eating and she hasn’t touched her food at all, so he sarcastically ask if she needed it cut it up for her. She responded with, ‘I don’t know how to use utensils.’ He literally ended up cutting her food and handing it back to her. It closed with ‘Uh, see you around!’ Or not.” –C, 23, Plano

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“I was joking with one couple and asked if it was a Tinder date...

... when I was waiting tables one night, and I actually think it may have been. During the middle of the meal, he got up from his seat, sat in the booth with her and started making out with her neck as she just uncomfortably sat there. I guess they finally had enough to drink because they both started to loosen up and began seductively dancing with each other in the middle of the restaurant. We don’t have a dance floor, so it was just plain weird for everyone.” –D, 23, Downtown

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“I can always tell when it’s a first date from a dating app...

... You can spot them from a mile away and feel the awkward vibes radiating. One night, one of those duos came in, and I could tell from the start this girl was not interested. He was trying to hold a conversation, and she was giving him one-word answers and hardly any eye contact. A little while in, she claimed there was a ‘work emergency’ and ran outside with her phone. She never came back.” –A, 34, Lower Greeneville
 

“I witnessed a pretty average and uncomfortable proposal one time...

... the woman started to figure out what was coming halfway through the night and got visibly anxious and uncomfortable. Let’s just say it wasn’t the sparks-flying-hearts-and-flowers kind of love you’d expect to see pre-proposal. When he finally did pop the question, she said yes, but it wasn’t a convincing “yes.” Almost like, ‘I can’t say no in front of these people.’ No excited tears of joy, just a forced, uninspired peck.” –P, 27, Uptown 
 
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Kelsie and Lexi Aziz are the sisters behind the blog Pizza and Champagne. They thankfully are not any of the subjects in the above stories, but their dating lives are just as comical. Follow their adventures, whether they’re in the kitchen or another country, on Twitter and Instagram.