Properly handle a jalapeño
Too many fresh chiles on your burger? That’ll happen. Veterans know to use a fork to pull those guys off, not their hands. If, for whatever reason, they have made direct contact with one, those paws will be washed, then again, then, like, another five times before they go anywhere near the eyes (or, heaven forbid, down the pants).
Not get too attached
Oh, that cafe you’ve been going to loyally for 20 years? It’s gone now. That new restaurant you totally loved? Buh-bye. Astroworld? Shut down, bro! How about that late-night pizza place? The owner and manager set it on fire for insurance money, then got caught and arrested on arson charges because he was an idiot. Either way, think of your favorite local establishments like characters from Game of Thrones. NO ONE IS SAFE.
Win the battle against roaches
No matter how clean you keep your bathroom, garage, and bedroom, those little sons-a-bitches are going to sneak into your living situation from time to time. This is Houston, learn how to deal with it.
Properly dress yourself for the day
One would think dressing for the day would be easy. When it comes to gearing up in Houston, however, one would be foolishly wrong. Locals traverse through a series of climates, from their freezing-cold air-conditioned offices and burning-hot car seats, to sudden torrential downpours, followed by blistering no-pants weather. True Houstonians know to carry everything they'll need for the day in their trunk.