For the most part, Houstonians are pretty laid-back (we live in the birthplace of lean, after all). While we somehow manage to keep our cool despite never-ending summer conditions, there are certain unforgivable actions that not even the tamest of us can let slide. Things that will earn that person a one-way ticket to Azkaban, or more accurately, a collective "bless your heart" from the community at large.
This Chinese Festival Is Like 'Frozen' Come to Life
1. Admitting you dig Dallas
Even if you feel it, don't say it aloud.
2. Parking your car on lower Westheimer
... and causing about three near-miss fender benders for every 30 minutes you're parked there.
3. Taking up an entire table at Pub Fiction during a Texans game for your "friends" who never show up
We understand you got there early, but have a soul. And get some better friends while you're at it.
In particular, the ones with the Chihuahua mascot that make us really, really sad. Likewise, being unaware of the best breakfast tacos locales is unacceptable. It doesn't matter what part of town you're in. At any given moment, you should have at least two to three taco spots on your radar.
10. Not "getting" the big deal about crawfish
The big deal is the spices and juices are excellent, pinching and peeling your way through a bucket of mudbugs is fun, and going to a crawfish boil with plenty of ice-cold beer is pretty much the best way to spend a Saturday ever.
11. Wasting the best part of crawfish by not sucking the head
We cringe when we see you toss those heads to the side like hot garbage.
12. Believing the dumplings at your Chinese takeout spot are just fine
They're not… go to Chinatown.
13. Referencing the phrase "Houston, we have a problem"
31. Being late because you didn't account for the traffic on 290
Estimate your usual drive time. Now add 20 minutes.
32. Not having a hot sauce preference at all
This may be worse than liking the one named after that guy we mentioned.
33. Inviting someone to lunch near the Galleria on a Saturday
Or any day, really.
34. Not defending the city to outsiders at all costs
H-town, ride or die!
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Brooke Viggiano is a Houston-based writer who is a damn Yankee but it’s not like she runs around telling people that besides the fact that she said it right here. Crap. Watch her defend the city’s honor on the daily @BrookeViggiano.