Here at Thrillist, we’re good old-fashioned law abiding folks, and we’re eager to make sure that you, dear reader, are, too. With that in mind, we’ve put together a list of cool, incredibly fun, illegal dates purely so that you can avoid doing them. You know, by accident or something.
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How to pull it off despite our explicit disapproval: While the park has some pretty impressive gates, it also has some less than impressive fences, especially along the canal. Pack a bag with your favorite snacks, find a spot along the lake and enjoy. Pro tip: bring a blanket and keep to the shadows. Laws you’d be breaking: Trespassing. The Tower Hamlets like to know who is there and when, and at night, they’re especially not keen. Unless you’re breaking several other laws at the same time, you’ll probably just be told to go home, maybe with a citation or a fine.
A boozy museum trip
How to pull it off despite our repeated eye rolling and head shaking: Let's be honest, most cultural activities are way more fun with a drink or two in your system. While generally you can get a glass of wine or a beer at one of the restaurants, keep that party rolling all the way through your stroll among the Mantes, Rembrandts, and more via something you’ve prepared earlier. While security generally checks bags when entering, its rare that they actually do a pat down. Laws you’d be breaking: Public intoxication is never a good thing and certain not in the presence of such respected pieces of art. We’d never tell you how much more colorful Pollock is after a couple G&Ts. Absolutely not.
Give her chocolate on the tube
How to pull it off despite our many warnings that this is against the law: Believe it or not, ladies must curb their cocoa cravings while on public transit as it’s against the law. Not that we would ever suggest you go and hand your lady friend a box of William Curley’s finest or even a Dairy Milk, but it’s just so easy. And if you’re feeling frisky? Throw in some wine, too. Laws you’d be breaking: What it says on the tin. Although even the most gung-ho officer is probably not even going to bat an eyelid. Unless of course, you have that wine.
Hoverboarding hand in hand
How to pull it off despite our extreme disaproval: Find a slightly quieter street and try not to crash or fall off while you gaze into each others eyes. Laws you’d be breaking: Despite our dreams of bringing Back to the Future a little bit closer to a reality, these handleless Segway boards have recently been given the axe for daily usage on public streets. Something about falling into the gray area of needing license and where they are allowed.
How to pull it off despite our imploring that you really know better: During normal animal visiting hours, the use of booze is out of bounds, although at their Zoo Lates you will see a tipple or two make its way out. If you want to liquid it up in the daylight hours, grab a soft drink and do the old bottle trick by drinking half (or pouring away) and fill the remaining with, well, whatever makes the best cocktail. Laws you’d be breaking: Drinking in public, plus the general scorn of the Zoo itself. If caught you’ll probably get kicked out. And potentially shamed. You’re setting a bad example for the monkeys!
Flying kites on Primrose Hill
How to pull it off despite us wishing that you wouldn’t break any laws: Find a place with a good updraft and go nuts. Bonus points for bringing goodies along. Laws you’d be breaking: This long standing pastime of children is actually against the rules in public spaces in London. Since the days of 1839, many of the basic things kids do to have fun -- like “playing annoying games or sliding in snow” -- have been legally frowned upon, which begs the question what Mary Poppins was actually singing about...
Sneaking into a members' club
How to pull it off despite our threats to tell your mum: To pull this one off, it's a combo of knowing the back hallways and looking like you belong. At The Electric Diner in Notting Hill, for example, there is a set of stairs at the back beyond the toilets that lead to the Electric House above it. If you get caught sneaking past the kitchen, just look lost and you should be fine. Laws you’d be breaking: Trespassing. All those lucky few who paid for the privilege to actually be members wouldn't be pleased to see you loitering for free.
Lunch on the London Eye
How to pull it off despite our explicit disapproval: Here they’ll search your bags, but if you can stash things on your person (down a shirt, up a trouser leg, etc.), once in the pod, you have 30min to munch and soak in that amazing view. Laws you’d be breaking: When a place makes a healthy profit on adding packages that include food and booze, they get rather upset when you try to bring in your own for free.
How to pull it off despite our disappointment in your failure at being a human: You know what they say: location, location, location. It really depends on your hiding spot for your sexcapades how to get this one to work. For example, there’s a very dense group of trees in the middle of Regent Park near the flower garden that we would never recommend you explore with a blanket, or a particular phone booth on a side street late at night. Laws you’d be breaking: Indecent exposure, Sexual Offense Act.
Visit abandoned tube stations
How to pull it off despite our massive warnings: So this is one that you might need a little experience for, and a lot of luck and a whole team of lawyers and cash at the ready. Find a High-Vis vest, a hard hat, and a traffic cone and pop open a man hole. If you look like you know what you’re doing, most people -- police included -- wont’t even look twice. Once inside, there are many levels of sewers, tunnels, and abandoned tube stations just begging to be explored. Laws you’d be breaking: Breaking and entering, Criminal Damages. This is one where the city would get rather upset if you get caught. We’re not suggesting at all that you head to the belly of London at all, with all it’s unknown sights.
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Haley Forest is a London writer who is originally from the US, but is a TOTALLY LEGAL immigrant. Follow her at @HCForest.