1. LULULEMONICA (Santa Monica)
The real St. Monica was an Algerian woman who had some serious family issues, but the women of today's Santa Monica are more into spinning, farmers markets, and as many yoga classes as ClassPass will allow. And since the official patron saint of this beachside city is now Lululemon…
2. ALL OF THE TARGETS (Culver City)
Need to go to Target? There's a good chance you're heading to Culver City, where there are not one, not two, but three Targets in the greater CC area. You may not know who Harry Culver was, but you definitely know which Target you need to go to for new Brita filters.
3. RAINBOW CENTRAL (West Hollywood)
Why should this self-governing mecca of pride be relegated to directional adjacent-city status? This isn't West anything. This is Rainbow Central and if you don't like it, we hope you get crushed by a float during Pride.
4. YOUR DOCTOR'S HERE (Beverly Hills)
While the idealized dream of Beverly Hills lives mostly on TV, the reality is that there are a lot of ladies named Beverly residing in these hills. The splendor of 90210 has aged up considerably and there's a good reason why so many physicians have their offices here. If you want the best medical care in the city (“and so close to Cedars!”), you're probably heading somewhere near Wilshire and Santa Monica because Your Doctor's Here.
5. NEW RENT CITY (West Adams)
The big houses that used to exist for cheap in West Adams are now all snatched up and the flippers are operating at full speed. Shady landlords are kicking out longtime tenants to remodel, jacking up rents, and padding their own pockets. What used to be an affordable little 'hood has turned into New Rent City.
6. MOUNTAIN VIEW SOUTH (Playa del Rey)
OK, OK, “Silicon Beach” works just fine as a new nickname for PdR, but it also implies a lot of plastic surgery baking in the sun. Instead, let's call this oceanside enclave what it really is: the home of a bunch of NorCal expats who love to whine about how much they miss “a real city.” You mean the one with trollies running everywhere? That's not a real city, techies. That's the set of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.
7. DIVIDEND ROW (Pacific Palisades)
If you tell me you know what a palisade is, you're either a geography major or a liar. Either way, the word is too arcane to describe the quaint hamlet that one can only call home after multiple script sales or a few years at a hedge fund.
8. LOOK! IT'S THE OCEAN! (Malibu)
You moved to Malibu for one reason and one reason only: you can wake up every morning and see the Pacific Ocean. While the Chumash-derived name is a nice nod to the town's origins, it's time to acknowledge that you're only here because you get off on seeing a large body of water near property that you own.
9. BRUINBURG (Westwood)
This may be the easiest new neighborhood to name. Westwood has been associated with UCLA since the university's founding in 1919. Why deal with the direction of wood when you can apply the nomenclature of UCLA's favorite bear to this collegiate colony?