WE HAVE OUR OWN DRIVING RULES
People say we aren’t good drivers, which is probably true, but they also just don’t understand our driving rules here. Like rule #1, “We do what we want,” which is closely followed by all of these:
Don’t use a blinker, it’s a sign of weakness.
In the left lane and need to take the next exit on the right? Just go for it. The other ten cars will move.
Learn how to parallel park.
ESPECIALLY if you plan on going to the beach. There are garages, yes, but street parking is the cheapest option. When you find an open spot, you’ll need to have the skills to parallel park quickly, or the SUV in the left lane will ninja-cross four lanes over to get it before you do.
Pedestrians are the Miami Driver’s nemesis.
We believe in both happy pedestrians and happy drivers, and we get the latter of the two by keeping traffic moving. That said, we won’t hit pedestrians of course, but we do make a scene if they try to buck the system. It’s also important to note here that Miami pedestrians aren’t like New Yorkers, so they don’t just cross the street as fast as they can. They will stop to fix their clothes, catch Pokémon, or use their “casual stroll” across a Biscayne Boulevard walkway to tell you all about their latest Tinder nightmare, and sometimes they do it all when it’s not even their turn. Miami pedestrians are literally the worst breed of pedestrians.