Because there's nothing quite like a good old-fashioned fight, it's Rivalry Week. Keep tabs on simmering feuds across the country right here.
So recently, of all the states, GEORGIA decided to talk some shit about how it’s better than Florida. Like any normal person, our first response was to laugh uncontrollably for several minutes. Our second response was to come up with, in about five minutes, 11 reasons why Georgia -- despite its legal 40oz beers! -- falls wayyy short of the Sunshine State.
This Chinese Festival Is Like 'Frozen' Come to Life
That just means we can enjoy a good chicken biscuit and some sweet tea, without bottom-ranked public schools and skyrocketing obesity.
Florida’s so weird, it’s actually hilarious
When people make fun of Florida, it’s because of headlines like: “Florida man attempts to leave store with chainsaw stuffed down his pants.” When you make fun of Georgia, it’s just kind of sad.
Beaches, beaches, and more beaches
Like so many you can pick the top 15, and still have people naming a dozen you left out. Georgia? It’s got a couple of marsh islands people have to Google to know about.
Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson Airport is the actual worst
Sure, MIA has its problems, but even on its worst day you never have to go more than a few gates to find a mojito. At Hartsfield, you’re pretty much screwed if your terminal is the one without the Chick-fil-A.
Florida = Publix...
Inarguably the best grocery store -- with the best subs -- on the entire planet. But I’m sure the deli at Food Depot is pretty solid.
... and the Cuban sandwich
Contrary to popular opinion, Tampa is the original home of this delicious creation (not Miami). Georgia, meanwhile, is home to Arby’s.
It never snows
That dusting of powder you get in Atlanta is fun until it takes you seven hours to drive home. Here we get snow once a decade and even then it’s in the most Georgia part of the state, the panhandle. So, nobody notices.
The "World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" is in Florida
It doesn’t even bother rotating between the homes states of UF and UGA. It’s like Georgia said “You’re right. The only place we could remotely think about having this game is Macon, sooooo…….”
In Florida, natural disasters are an excuse for a party
Hurricane parties are a real thing. You don’t really hear much about blizzard bashes.
Cigar City Brewing crushes SweetWater
Your little pot pun with that “420” IPA is cute, but do you have enough color in your state to name beers after near-defunct peri-mutuels (Jai Alai IPA), or derogatory terms for rednecks (Florida Cracker)? Seriously Georgia, it’s time to up your beer game.
Say it with us: no state income tax!
We briefly considered erecting state-line billboards that said “Welcome, tax evaders!”
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Liz Newman is a Florida native who went to UGA and will still defend that school to the death.
Matt Meltzer is a Thrillist staff writer in Miami who still appreciates cheap gas and the Clermont Lounge. Follow him: @mmeltrez.