“We should get Champagne!”
Translation: This club is paying me to hustle bottles.
Why it’s a deal-breaker: Even if you’re not being paid by the club to get me to buy $750 bottles that are gone in half an hour... no, never mind, you totally are.
Translation: My parents still pay my rent.
Why it’s a deal-breaker: You don't really understand the value of money, and won't be all that motivated to find a real job.
"You don’t need a car in Miami."
Translation: I am unaware of the world outside South Beach/Brickell.
Why it’s a deal-breaker: Having no interest in the rest of your city means you probably don’t think much about the rest of your country, or the rest of the world. Or anyone else. At the very least, it means you won’t get any jokes I make about Hialeah.
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Matt Meltzer is a Thrillist staff writer and once heard 14 of these lines on a single date. He's no Instagram "model," but follow him anyway: @meltrez1.