23. Blackfish really put a damper on going to SeaWorld
OK, you probably knew that one, but seriously Tilikum: trainers are friends, not food. Now it’s social suicide to spend any money at that park.
24. Jeremiah’s is basically a training ground for Hooters
Replace ice cream with hot wings and all you’re missing is a crew of surly line cooks.
25. When they announced a Wawa, two-thirds of your friends completely lost their shit
Because see No. 2. But they’re still not as good as Publix subs.
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Danielle Salerno (@quichequiche727 on Twitter) is new to freelance writing, and her fancy new day job in Miami, but she’s not new to Orlando, or its most famous theme park, which she’s been to, like, 57 times.