The best part of having a true love, in my opinion, is the lavish gifts they will inevitably bestow upon you during the holiday season. And apparently, it's always been that way: "The 12 Days of Christmas," written in the late 18th century, is a righteous jam that celebrates the lengths some dude went to three centuries ago to appease his bloomer-clad lady. Back then, all this bird-heavy swag would have cost over $27,000 -- and probably would have made for one impressed maiden fair.
But the world has changed, and some things just don't hold up over time. The gifts this so-called "true love" gave his lady seem downright bizarre, cumbersome, and generally shitty in today's terms. Which is why I took it upon myself to gaze through my modern lenses and rank the desirability of all the gifts presented in the cumulative holiday classic.
There's a lot of birds (like, a lot), some apparent human trafficking, dancing ladies, and, of course -- a partridge in a pear tree. Sounds like my Friday night.