8. The friend with all the industry perks
Lines? Ha. Your friend doesn’t wait on lines because he waits on tables. After the fine people who work at restaurants and bars head out after their shift ends, they can saunter into the cocktail bar with a line out the door because the hostess knows they work at the Turkish place down the block. Also, they always know exactly how much you’re supposed to tip so you don’t leave feeling slightly terrible and mostly unsure if doubling the tax was enough. And this doesn’t only apply to the restaurant industry. If you have a friend in PR, we suggest keeping a formal tux or cocktail dress on retainer for the inevitable Really Fancy Thing you’ll be invited to.
9. The friend with all the business cards
Ah, a brick of 8,000 business cards in a box that’d hit you like a falling piano if it ever fell on your foot? The better to network with. Before your friend started dragging you to cocktail hours full of business professionals in shiny tie clips and firm handshakes practiced on family pets, you might have thought of them as insincere time-wasters. But watching your friend in action, literally shaking hands and taking names, will inspire you to get out there and meet some Young Working Professionals in the event that you need someone whose startup specializes in 3D printing caricatures of deposed world leaders.
10. The friend who coaxes your nerdy obsessions out of the shadows
Are you lurking on message boards and keeping your collection of ‘90s limited-edition Disney-themed cereal boxes in the basement where no one can find them? There are people out there like you and it’s time you found them. You need that one friend who will ship you off to the closest anime convention in full Tuxedo Mask cosplay (should you still be a little weird about actually showing your face at these things) to meet like-minded people who will not judge you on your current fixation with Marvel-themed fan fiction. Be free.
11. The friend who will calmly explain sports to you so you can feel like you’re a part of something
With their painted faces and their penchant for shooting up out of their seats once the man in the helmet does the thing with his foot, you have always admired sports fans, but never felt like you could hang. You want to know what it’s like to care about something so much that you’ll ignore a beautifully loaded nacho halfway on its journey to your mouth just to see that one guy do the thing and then the dance. This friend will not only invite you to watch the big game with everyone else, they’ll try and explain it to you using condiments as players while you guys make wings before everyone gets there.
12. The friend who throws extremely specific viewing parties
There is never a wrong time to watch Cool Runnings in Portuguese. You may not know what exactly what they’re saying, but your friend knows that the formula for cooking up new friendships is throwing a group of acquaintances on the couch with a bowl of nachos and a movie no one can understand and everyone will be chums by the time the boys walk their bobsled to the finish line.
13. The friend who makes you do outdoorsy stuff with other people
Sometimes you just need to get away and eat jerky in the great outdoors -- but if all your buddies are pavement-locked city slickers, then what are your options? You need to infiltrate a group of outdoorsy people who hike every other weekend and can set up a tent in the time it takes to call an Uber.
14. The friend who deals with those high-pressure holidays that no one can deal with
The Friend who takes over making the annoying decisions of what to do on New Year’s Eve or Halloween. Those high-pressure holidays that stress everyone else out into indecision. If it weren’t for this person, you’d be sitting on your couch eating Chinese noodles (like Miranda in that sad Sex and the City movie, we know you saw it, don’t lie) every New Year’s Eve. It’s a thankless task, but someone’s gotta motivate.