From sea to shining sea, the United States is one of the most culturally diverse countries on the planet. This means there are plenty of opportunities to mess around with the language, and what defines an “American accent” changes depending on where you are.
Thrillist has taken on the task of ranking a sampling of American accents from the most vomit-inducing to the most pleasant, with a little bit of dry heave in between. See where you fit in:
20. New Jerseyan
Oh my gawd! Jersey gets a bad rap. But it’s not so much the state that is offensive as much as the accent. It’s akin to the sound of chain-smoking rats mating in an oil slick under the George Washington Bridge. Except somehow, the hair is worse.
Prime example: Pauly D (yeah, we know he's not really from Jersey -- but come on!)
America’s wang is well known for its tourist attractions and for producing the weirdest headlines in the country, from bath salts to diaper-clad astronauts. To replicate the accent heard here, huff the nearest paint can, grab a piña colada, and find an alligator to gnaw on your toe. It’s a mix between Southern, senior citizen, and misfit transplants from the Midwest and the Northeast. And it’s gloriously grating, y’all.
Prime example: It's an accent so odd that not even the mighty Janet Reno can suppress it all the time.
18. Southern Ohioan
We get it: y’all want to be Southern, but you just don’t quite get the right amount of twang in there, mainly because Ohio isn’t actually in the South. The result is a half-arsed attempt to sound “down home.” Give it a rest before you hurt yourselves, or just go ahead and make the move down to Kentucky.
Prime example: John Boehner