Enter shoe restorers, who hack life back into tired kicks, carefully washing laces, shaving a layer off the soles to reveal a fresh white epidermis, and most important, brushing their teeth. An hour with a toothbrush and paste gives shoes a gleam; the same whitening molecules meant for enamel work on Adidas. When I saw my old Pumas, unmistakable because of their hideous color combination, on a stranger’s feet two prisons after I last wore them, they looked better than they did when they were in my possession.
11. Head luggage
Smuggling is part of a prisoner’s life, but everyone has moments when successfully concealing something determines which way your life goes. Your noggin is readily accessible, easy to monitor, and not the first place people look. Men I knew would hide things in their nostrils, or down their throats, suspended from their molars by a loop of dental floss. But hair was the most interesting. Prisoners who register as Rastafarians can grow dreadlocks. The ones who need a compartment to carry things in sculpt their dreads into one. It may look like a beehive, but the extra structure on top of your head has room for all sorts of things. I’d recommend trying it with a man bun. But then I’d also recommend prison for possession of a man bun. Pick your poison, and happy hacking!