Water Guns That Are Actually Fun for Adults
What does summer feel like? As an adult, it feels like the burning heat of a steering wheel on your morning commute, and three months of overall, consistent sweatiness. But back when you were a kid, it was a jet stream of cool water, smacking you right on the face, courtesy of your asshole cousin Louis who always started playing before everyone was ready.
Summer used to feel like Super Soakers and water balloons. And the good news: It still can. Just because you are an adult, doesn’t mean you can’t buy (or make!) any of these highly advanced hydration shooting systems. Actually, being an adult means you can buy/make these whenever the hell you want -- and then eat four pints of ice cream afterwards, bedtime be damned. Congrats!
Plus, you can fill them with tequila now, too.
The one that straps to your bike
(Sky Rocket Fuze Cyclone Bike Water Blaster)
For vigilant cyclists who pedal to work, this is an ideal way to tell grazing pedestrians in the bike lane to GTFO. It even works if they have headphones on. I know, right?
The dunk tank
(Soak 'n' wet)
If you have $250 to burn and a desire to turn your backyard into the county fair, this pre-made, scaled-down dunk tank might be for you. Carnies not included... but will probably show up if you ask them.
The portable option
(Toysmith Wave Thrower)
This gun isn’t a great portable option because it’s small, it allows you to plug in any old plastic water bottle for ammunition, which makes it shockingly resourceful. Personally, I keep one of these babies strapped to my left calf 24/7, just in case a rowdy bunch of fourth-graders attack me.
The “Big Ass Gun”
(Bininbox Black Big Shooter)
This one is an off-brand Super Soaker, but it is cheap as heck, extremely large, and comes with all types of cool-looking (but probably useless) dongles and such. It’s everything you look for, and everything you need in a water gun.
The one with something extra
(Super Soaker Arctic Shock Water Blaster)
So, it’s kind of mean, but also brilliant: This devious machine has built-in ice chambers to make sure the water stays super cold, all the time. This is just one step ahead of everything else in the game -- like some Bobby Fischer of Super Soaker, shit.
Balloon launcher
(Original SlingKing)
If chucking water grenades is more your style, this wrist-rocket for water balloons will do nicely. Pro tip: Fill balloons with Sriracha, call it a “flying spicy boi.”
The helicopter gun
(Water Jetter Helicopter)
In theory, you could fly this helicopter across your office and anonymously spray your boss in the face with pickle brine. In theory.
The world-famous Champagne gun
(Champagne Gun)
So, this is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. If you are interested in hearing/seeing more, this should wet (hehe) your beak.
The water balloon mortar/launcher combo
Now, when you are bored with using the helicopter with your boss, you can (in theory!) use this weirdly powerful water balloon mortar gun, or the slightly more portable but still wildly intense water balloon bazooka to gracefully drench their car from 500+ feet. That kind of highbrow tomfoolery is what summer is all about.
The slime cannon
If -- for some reason -- shooting regular H2O doesn’t get your rocks off anymore, you can build this fully functional slime shooting gun to up the ante this summer. It’s like Nickelodeon, weaponized.
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