Hi, I know I don't know you, but the thing is, I was kind of hoping to keep it that way. And when you're out in public, holding up, and shouting at, your smartphone, it makes it that much harder to ignore you. Especially since your FaceTime/Skype/video chat function is on. Unlike the old days, now we hear both sides of your conversation and get to see the kind of lunatic who wants to talk to a public video-chatter like you.
Perhaps you were under some mistaken belief that I -- or, indeed -- everyone in this Starbucks, needed more of you in our lives. I'd love to disabuse you of that notion, and I tried to by telling the barista my name was "Kill-This-FaceTiming-Woman." And while it's true they misspelled it and shouted out an order for "Kalista Roman," you wouldn't have heard it anyway because you were busy voice-projecting at your chat buddy all the hilarious things Abbie told you about Leon. The point is, everyone here would love it if you just drank your skinny latte and checked your texts like a normal human being.