This raises so many questions, though, not the least of which is: how the hell do you domesticate a brown bear? And then, once you've domesticated said brown bear, how stupid/trusting do you have to be to let it chew "lovingly" on your hand?
The only thing that's keeping this video from peak Russian-ness is lack of vodka -- and for all we know, there's a bottle of it in the cupholder just out of sight.
Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.
Gianni Jaccoma is a staff writer for Thrillist, and he’s never seen such a majestic sight in all his life. Follow his awful "In Soviet Union" jokes on Twitter @gjaccoma, and send your news tips to email@example.com