Singing in public
I liked performing as a kid -- I was in drama club in high school and everything. But singing has always scared the crap out of me. Even karaoke scares the crap out of me, what with all that emoting and feeling. The word itself looks like it was a 19th century disease. “Poor Glenda, she contracted karaoke, and was dead but two days later.”
Being the subject of a viral video
I’ll be at a party, dancing exactly like Drake, and someone will shoot it on their phone. That person will upload it to YouTube, and for the rest of my days on this Earth, I will be recognized as That Guy Who Can’t Dance.
It’s like the Earth has a trap door that swallows people at random.