Screw Your New Year’s Resolutions, Here Are 7 Fun Things to Keep Doing in 2016
Let's face it, those New Year's resolutions you made are no fun at all. Why should you stop eating, drinking, going out, and having fun just because it's a new year? We're not talking about robbing and pillaging, but just treating yourself to some good old-fashioned tasteful gluttony and indulgence. We've compiled a list of vices (or anti-resolutions, if you will) that you should definitely keep committing. And yeah, they may not be "good" for you, or involve being a “better person,” but they are certainly exciting! And isn't that what life is all about? So go on with your badass self, and keep doing you.
1. Don't shun the booze
It may go against every fiber of your being, since you’re still recovering from your scotch-fueled holidays, but early in the New Year is the perfect time to drink more. A) Because it’s fun. B) You know how many people are doing Dry Januarys and Februaries? A lot. This is the time to strike at your favorite bar and order a cocktail that will take forever, because it’ll take less forever. Plus you won’t be surrounded by the type of people who take a month of drinking off to make themselves feel better. They’re untrustworthy. Think of all the amazing hot bars and clubs you can hit up now that everyone else is trying so hard to be "good."
2. Embrace the little devil inside you
Sometimes being friendly all the time can be overrated. And being just a tad evil can be fun. We're not saying to be mean to little old ladies or waiters or anything. You just don’t have to be so nice all the time, especially to people who don’t deserve it. If someone’s a jerk, don’t be polite! That being said, let’s not get all psycho. And while it's not cool to be mean to little old ladies, going to the other end of the age spectrum and saying mean things to tiny babies under your breath while you're smiling at them can be fun. They won't understand you, but you may still feel bad later. Oh, but the thrill!
3. Play hooky, stress less
Yeah, a lot of people make resolutions to work harder, get that promotion, be the best little worker bee you can be! We say, nah, take a chill pill and go with the flow, it may end up being better for you in the long run. And it means less stress for you! When you put less pressure on yourself to work hard, the ideas flow better and you’re actually inclined to work harder because you’re not pulling your hair out about it. It’s like, working is fun because who cares! Maybe it’s a reverse psychology thing. Or whatever Tom Sawyer did with the fence. But also literally work less by skipping work once in a while to day drink, or shop, or nap, or throw stones at the wall -- well, that's your prerogative, and you deserve a day for you.
4. Spend money on yourself
Because you deserve to spoil yourself sometimes. Not on, like, a house. Who saw The Big Short? Good, so you know not to buy a house you can’t afford. No, we're talking money on a fancy dinner, a night at an awesome hotel with a nice Jacuzzi, a leather jacket that you’ll wear forever. It’s called taking care of your mental health. Good taste comes at a price, and you deserve to look as good as you feel.
5. Nap, it doesn't mean you're lazy
It’s not procrastinating, it’s recharging. "Disco nap" isn't just a fun term, it's a necessity when you hit the town hard. Some of our greatest geniuses have thought of their best ideas while drifting off to sleep. “ZzzzzzE=mc2” -Einstein. You can look it up. Also, say you’re bored and have no plans until nighttime. Take a nap! Two hours later you wake up refreshed and it’s time to go out. It’s like restful time travel.
6. Indulge in really good food
No, don’t gain weight, though you look really skinny lately. Are you OK? You look like a model, but is that healthy? Anyway, you should eat more good food. Don’t waste a meal on something you hate. And cook more delicious food. No matter how unhealthy you think the recipe is, it’s probably less calories than you'd eat at a restaurant. Side note: more foods should be stuffed with cheese. Like, what if we injected peas with ricotta? CC: Gordon Ramsey.
7. Binge on TV
And it may just help you with your real friends. How often have you felt left out of a conversation because you weren’t caught up on the latest cable goodness? TV is a guaranteed social icebreaker, and the more you watch, the more you’ll be able to relate to different people. Say you’re stuck in an Uber Pool with a 60-year-old woman. You can chat about the latest documentary you saw and you won’t be riding in an awkward silence! What if you have to babysit a five year old? Strike up a conversation about how your favorite My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic character is Twilight Sparkle! What if you are stuck in a dinghy with a grizzled old sea captain? I don’t know, good luck getting out of that mess.