The Total Weirdo
This is just the latest in a string of ill-fitting odd jobs that The Total Weirdo treats with a mixture of disdain and amusement. He enjoys awkward silences, mismatched vintage clothing, and making people think that he is on drugs. He considers himself the Hunter S. Thompson of the sharing economy. It's unclear how his vehicle qualified for use, because it definitely doesn't look like a black 2014 Kia Sorrento. When not working, he is usually on drugs. When working, he is usually on drugs too.
The Elevator Pitcher
He's a singer-songwriter or makes artisanal mustache wax, or, worst case scenario, is the non-technical founder of a start-up. He views every fare as a potential fan, or a face of in need of waxing, or, worst case scenario, an investor.
He asks how your night is going, but quickly interrupts to describe his fulfilling social life filled with killer happy hours and co-ed softball teams and close friends who he calls "the crew." Turns out he is just pulling a short shift before heading out to meet up with "the crew," members of which probably aren't aware of that nickname.
The Creepy Pickup Artist
No amount of tiny water bottles could quench this driver's thirst.
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Dan Gentile is a staff writer at Thrillist. He struggled for two days about how many stars to give The Guy You Feel Guilty About Giving a Bad Rating. Follow him to honest reviews at @Dannosphere.