You can indulge pumpkin spice without shame
Did you know that Jack O’Lanterns were originally carved out of turnips? That’s lame. Turnips are a vegetable so bitter and gas-inducing that in a pre-industrial age, hungry farmers looked at them and said, “Not even in a soup. Better to use them as lanterns.” And it's not like it's easy to hollow out a turnip, either. Ugh, go away, turnips.
It was only in America that Halloween reached its fruition (zing!) with the pumpkin Jack O’Lantern. As well it should, because pumpkins are delicious and beautiful and defy the seasons by growing massive well into autumn -- why, they are modern American adulthood itself! Savor one today with all those rich spices that would have cost your colonial forefathers more than their house.
Look, not everybody loves pumpkin spice, and that’s cool. More for the rest of humanity. But some people do, and we've been making them self-conscious about it. If you’re a Becky who can’t enjoy this one little pleasure for fear of being characterized as basic, here, at least, is respite for you. Because today, of all days, is an entire holiday about pumpkins.