As a society, we have yet to settle on a singular, comprehensive definition of what constitutes a “real” New Yorker. Whatever it is, I’m pretty damn sure it doesn’t include Donald Trump. Sure, he was born in Queens, and claims his primary residence at Trump Tower on Fifth Ave, and yeah, he's consummately true to the New Yorker stereotype (loud, narcissistic, spectacularly greedy, status-obsessed…). But if I’m not even a real New Yorker, there’s no way The Donald is.
Here are 10 things that prove it:
1. He’s rich
He claims to have "TEN BILLION DOLLARS," while Forbes says it's probably more like $4 billion. Either way: we're not talking about "douchebag in the club ordering bottles" money. We're talking about "owning the company that makes those bottles, and the building you're in" money. Yeah, a lot of that wealth is self-made, but he also comes from money. His father, the late Fred Trump, was a shrewd businessman and a millionaire a hundred times over.
In other words, Donald is a card-carrying member of New York City's super-rich upper echelon, and absolutely no one in that ultra-insular cohort is familiar with the basic New York struggles we all deal with. Like, y'know, spending three-quarters of your paycheck on a claustrophobic three-story walk-up in Greenpoint, or eating dollar pizza and dumplings for dinner every night to be able to afford an air conditioner. Sigh.
2. He's tragically unfashionable
A real New Yorker is effortlessly stylish. Trump, on the other hand, is constantly overcompensating with monochrome ties, ill-fitting power suits, and of course, the hair.