"While he was back upstairs putting his dog away (which he speaks to like a child with a baby voice) I decide to Google his name, just to pass the time. Come to find out, he was in prison for the last 15 years and had just gotten out. For a quick moment I was like, aww he's been given a second chance (I was really into Serial at the time) but then he came out, started aggressively making out with me, and stuck his finger in my mouth. I literally spit up on him, and ran away." -- Michaela, 29
Mr. "Who Is This?"
"I matched with an outside-the-box right swipe. He was slightly older than my typical selections, preppy, and altogether more straight-laced than my usual 'type.' But I figured, 'Hey, the usual has a proclivity to fail anyway, so why not?' Over chat, we clicked, and he suggested that we get a drink, then sent me his number to make arrangements. A couple of days later, I texted him, and we made plans to meet in the next few days at a bar Downtown. I stopped paying attention to my phone for a while after that, and when I looked again, I had a string of texts from this guy, including one that read, 'I need to do laundry. Badly.' Attached was a picture of his ass. Butt naked. A follow-up text addressing my lack of response (I hadn't looked at the conversation in about an hour) read, 'Crickets.'