Urgently needing to find a bathroom is a New York City nightmare on par with getting clobbered by a falling air conditioner, bringing home bedbugs, or accidentally giving bad directions. An extra cup of coffee before your morning commute, or one too many glasses of wine at happy hour, collides with a train delay you shoulda seen coming, and suddenly you’ve got to find a restroom in a city stingy with them. What most people don’t realize is there is a smattering of facilities built into the subway system. Your MetroCard swipe not only gets you on the train (eventually), it’s also your ticket to almost 50 restrooms operated by the MTA. Nearly all are closed from 12am to 5am (peak bathroom hours) and most are hidden from public view, making finding a place to pee quite the adventure.
Now, I hate public bathrooms, I hate being dirty, I hate the subway -- I don't even really like New York anymore. Yet, I threw myself into an amalgamation of filth -- a grimy triad of disgust close to 200 feet under the ground -- to go to the bathroom. Many bathrooms. Ten bathrooms. For you. Because someday, when you need to find a toilet like your life depends on it, I want you to think of me, Jeremy Glass.
Surprise! They’re all the worst.