8 Ways to Definitely Pick up a Woman on the Subway

  1. Just don't do it.
  2. Seriously, the subway might be the worst place in the whole city to try this.
  3. Even if you're tempted to strike up a conversation about the book she's reading, don't.
  4. See that guy walking through the car singing "Under the Boardwalk" while tapping his cane? HE has a better chance than you.
  5. Oh, you couldn't help but notice she's still on the first season of Serial and you'd like to impress her with your shared interest? Maybe just let her continue listening to it.
  6. Instead of approaching, stare unblinkingly at the now-defunct Dr. Zizmor sign above her head until either of you leave the train.
  7. Remember the movie where Lance Bass falls in love with a girl on the subway? Literally EVERY part of that movie was wrong.
  8. Wait till you get home, then post on the Missed Connections section of Craigslist. It's guaranteed to work.

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Gianni Jaccoma is an editor for Thrillist, and he's tired of being harassed for dates on the subway. Follow his defiant tweets @gjaccoma.