You care that vehicular homicide isn’t rigorously prosecuted
No, really, you could totally get hit by an Uber and die and nobody would care.
You’re not cool with weird smells
Hot summer water garbage, winter subway wet wool coat musk -- New York is replete with olfactory delights that you have to be prepared to get used to. If you’re upset that your morning commute regularly smells like a well-used Kardashian waist trainer, Sheboygan might be more up your (nice smelling) alley.
You enjoy positively rooting for your sports teams
Even when the Knicks, Nets, Liberty, Giants, Jets, Rangers, Islanders, Yankees, or Mets are good... they actually suck. They always suck. Remember this. All New Yorkers are looking for an excuse to yell “You suck!” at our sports teams. “Hey, thanks for being good at sports!” is not something a New Yorker will ever say to a sports man.