Pick-up artists/Tucker Max
You have to be a circa-2008 fratboy sent to the future in the Hot Tub Time Machine for this to make any sense. Also you’re probably just bad. Just a bad man. Shame...
Who to read instead: If you want sexually explicit details, a study of masculinity, and misogyny disguised as literature, read a goddamn Philip Roth novel.
Any young adult writer if you're over the age of 17
There has admittedly been some pushback against this attitude in the last couple years, but how many books do you have time to read in your life? You want your parents to recognize that you're an adult now anyway, so why not challenge yourself intellectually and emotionally and experience something that wasn't made for the population who listened to the previous, not-socially-acceptable-to-enjoy incarnation of Justin Bieber.
Who to read instead: Do you like plot? Intrigue? Orphans? Young people discovering themselves? Romance? (JK, you don't waste time on stuff like that -- where the phallic whales at!?) Why not read a 19th-century author? Many YA tropes were established in those books, and they were supported by beyond-third-grade-level sentence structure, philosophical intensity, and moral seriousness. Some might argue that all of these are present in some of the better contemporary YA novels. Fine... but do you get to travel back in time!? If I said you could spend 10 hours in the mind of your great-great grandmother and know her daily preoccupations, her aspirations, and her struggles, you'd do it, right? And what if your grandma were a genius, too? Well, grab a copy of Charlotte Brontë's Jane Eyre and hop on into this HOT TUB TIME MACHINE OF THE SOUL!